Current weight: 281.8 lbs,
Total weight loss: 24 lbs.
After my big binge eating episode last Thursday, I was able to get back on track with my wellness endeavor over the last couple days.
This started with a regular fasting day on Friday – which actually made me feel pretty good since I had just eaten so much junk the day before. And since I committed to just having non-caloric fluids, I think that helped keep my cravings at bay. So often in the past, one bad day would turn into two, then three, then four….I was happy this didn’t happen this time.
And yesterday and today I’ve been having lots of delicious, nutritious and wholesome foods that are good for a high-fat, low-carb ketogenic diet. And the good news is that this afternoon I was back in nutritional ketosis – my urine tested positive for ketones.
I also started researching binge eating and food addiction in general, since this seems to be something I have always struggled with. The concept of food addiction is controversial, I think, so it will be interesting to learn more about both of these topics. And when I do, I’ll report an update in a separate post.
People are (finally) noticing.
Recently, I was thinking that even though I’ve been losing weight and inches, I may not look smaller or fitter yet. I’ve lost about 25 pounds, which is a pretty significant amount of weight (I mean, it’s the size of a small dog people!!). But it may be that because of my starting point, 25 pounds just isn’t that noticeable.
And I know that looks shouldn’t matter — they are superficial and don’t necessarily reflect health or wellness, which are my real ultimate goals.
But I will admit that sometimes they do matter! I wanted some external acknowledgements. And though I do get some from my sisters — gotta love sisters!! — it’s not quite the same as from a non-family members. After all, I am only human. Whether I like it or not, sometimes having some external acknowledgement and encouragement make a difference. It can make the tough daily choices easier.
It is also so hard to assess your own changes when you look at yourself in the mirror every day. That’s why it’s good to have some objective measures of progress – like the scale or measurements. Photos are another good way, although I need to be better with photo documentation.
External acknowledgements
I also know that commenting on people’s weight – even if it is a compliment of weight loss – can be a touchy subject. After a lifetime of repeated weight loss and gain, I am acutely aware of this. I know that any comments on appearance can backfire, especially when you’re trying to focus less on this aspect. And especially if you’re trying to shrink into yourself. To disappear and not be noticed.
But early last week, I finally received my first non-family external acknowledgement. (Woohoo!).
I was at work wearing my size 20 jeans and talking with a colleague that I don’t see very often. We are not close, although she is nice and fun to talk to. And like so many of us, she is also overweight.
As we finished our conversation, I walked out of the room and she followed. And then out of the blue, I heard her holler behind me:
“Look at you, getting all skinny!”
Now I can assure you that I am most definitely not ‘getting all skinny’ — at least not yet.
I am also aware that size 20 jeans are considered large. But — it is also 2 sizes smaller than I was just a few months ago. And obviously the inches that I’ve been losing are noticeable, at least to one other person.
I have never been good at accepting compliments and have never really been comfortable talking about my weight or diet efforts. (If you had told me that I’d blog about it one day, I’d have said you were nuts. Politely, of course.)
I wasn’t quite sure how to respond to my colleague’s comment, so I did what I normally do. I gave her a brief half-smile and immediately changed the subject.
And just like that, I had my first real external acknowledgement. An acknowledgement of this major endeavor I have undertaken.
Even though it was a comment on my appearance, I know that it is a reflection of the many internal changes I’m making on my way to health and wellness.
And because of that, I was grateful for this acknowledgement.
Day #62:
Current weight: 281.8 lbs
Total weight loss: 24 lbs
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