Current weight: 270.8 lbs,
Total weight loss: 35 lbs.
It’s been a little over three weeks since I last checked in, and I was a bit bummed this morning to see that my weight has gone up by a few pounds. Well actually 7.9 pounds to be exact. And that’s 2.8 pounds above the weight I was at the end of my 100 day challenge in December. Yikes.
The Good, the Bad and the Between….
But there is still good news.
I still feel so much better than when I started my wellness endeavor. My body is healthier since I’ve been taking better care of it. (Amazing how that works!) My blood pressure normalized for the first time in years. I am more fit in this smaller body. This is all positive.
I am more in control of my health and my future.
But recently I feel like that control is slowly slipping. Old habits (addictions??) seem to creep up when I am not vigilant. And rather than using food primarily as nourishment to fuel my body and optimize my health, I still use it for soooo many other reasons:
To cope with sadness. Celebrate success & happiness. Show love & appreciation. Fill the void. Pass the time. Avoid boredom. Deal with disappointment. To be numb.
The list goes on and on … and is probably not unique to me. But I don’t think food’s primary role should be any of these things. And for me that is always the challenge – to find the balance, the in-between.
The Between
So what is the in-between? There must be a healthy balance of using food for nourishment and pleasure and never as a coping mechanism or crutch.
The in-between is where I’d like to be. Healthy. Fit. Average in my weight and my relationship with food. At a minimum I don’t want to outlive my health.
— And why should any of us even settle for the minimum? —
It may be that when it comes to food, I can’t live the in the land of moderation like so many other people.
The lack of significant progress over the last few months since ending my 100 day challenge seems to prove that. I’ve tried to be more moderate while still avoiding the junky processed food, but slowly all the carbs, sugars and convenience creep in. I’m afraid that these days of poor choices are becoming more numerous and will get me back to where I started…or worse.
I seem to follow the ketogenic diet less and less. Not because it is challenging (sometimes), or seems extreme (maybe), or lacks a variety delicious foods (definitely not). But because I just want to be moderate. Average. Like everyone else. Enjoy ‘good’ food when I want like everyone else.
Maybe it’s my DNA, or my lifetime of exposures, or the sum of my choices, or my spirit animal’s healthy appetite. Or a combination of all or none of these.
Whatever the reason, typical moderation may just not work for me.
I may always have to be stricter in what I eat and avoid certain foods. My sugars and carbohydrates may always have to be restricted. I may have to always be mindful of what I eat. I may have to find other ways to deal with emotions, with challenges, with life.
This may be the reality I need to accept, not fight. My reality.
And if the trade off is a long healthy and vibrant life, I am starting to realize that this reality is definitely worth it.
Current weight: 270.8 lbs,
Total weight loss: 35 lbs.
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