Current weight: 295.4 lbs,
Total weight loss: 10.4 lbs.
Ultimate Goals
Like many people, I keep a running list of life goals – both personal and professional – in the back of my mind. I’ll occasionally check in with it, but I’ve never really formalized the list.
I know that I want to lose weight and get healthier, but I don’t have an actual weight loss goal in mind. This may seem strange, but it’s the truth. I know that there are weight ranges considered healthy for someone my age and height. Since I have so much to lose — at least 100 pounds! — I figured that I would just find my healthy range as I got smaller.
But – I do have a growing list of some non-scale goals related to weight loss and getting healthier. I’ve kept this list in my head but decided that it may be a good idea to write it down.
For people who haven’t had any weight issues, many of these may seem bizarre – or even silly. But they are my reality.
This list is not complete, and I’ll probably add to it in the future. But, it will be great to start crossing some of these off the list.
My Ultimate (Wishes) Goals:
1. Be Positive: body, mind and spirit.
- Generally I think I’m pretty good with the mind and spirit – although there is always room for improvement. And the mind and spirit are certainly important elements of my wellness endeavor.
- But — I definitely lack body positivity. This is something I’ve struggled with my whole life. For me this manifests in many ways, although in the constant negative cycle sometimes it’s hard to know what is cause and what is effect:
- Hating mirrors and photos,
- Internally disparaging the way I look every single day,
- Not appreciating the fact that I am surprisingly healthy other than the extra weight. (Though without major lifestyle modifications, I am sure that will change.)
Despite what I’ve done to it, my body has continued to serve me well.
- It is great to see that body positivity is more prominent and that it is being celebrated. Beauty and body positivity come in all shapes, sizes and shades. In general there is too much focus on appearance: a certain way of looking and an artificial expectation set by the few. There should be more focus on health and wellbeing, not appearance. I will continue to strive for my own body positivity – a positivity that is focused on my more healthy body.
2. Use food first for nourishment and second for pleasure.
- You are what you eat. How often do we hear this? The more I learn about myself, and food and nutrition, the more meaning this statement has. (Of course it can’t be taken in the literal sense – since I am actually eating more fat but becoming less fat 🙂
- What we consume has tremendous effects on our health and wellbeing – so much more than just numbers on a scale, and so much more than I ever realized.
- Of course I still want to enjoy food. Over the years, my palette and taste buds have been highjacked by all the junky and processed food. Foods that were created to be pleasing and addictive. I want to detox my body — cleanse it — from these unnatural, artificial forces. And to start enjoying the natural deliciousness of flavors, textures and aromas.
3. The burpee.
- Actually at least 5 burpees. In a row. And with excellent form.
- I’m not entirely sure where this desire came from since I’ve never actually done a burpee. It may be because whenever I see people doing them, they strike me as the epitome of fitness and wellbeing. I mean who isn’t impressed with the Crossfit or American Ninja Warrior athletes?? I want to be them!!
- I’m definitely far off from this accomplishment. Right now, if I get on the floor, there’s a pretty good chance I’m not getting up again anytime soon…
4. Not having body aches.
- In the past year or so, I’ve noticed that when I wake up and also throughout the day, I have more generalized body aches. It doesn’t necessarily affect a specific joint or muscle, but can jump from a knee to a hip to the lower back to somewhere else. It definitely makes me feel like an old lady!!
- Having all this extra weight for such an extended period of time has taken its toll on my body in so many ways.
5. Being able to cross my legs comfortably.
- This may be a goal shared by many overweight women. I know it sounds like a really silly goal. But since I was able to cross my legs before, I really miss it! Right now I do a kind of half-cross – somewhere in between a full cross and an ankle on the knee. So basically, the side of my lower leg ends up on my knee. Quite awkward and uncomfortable.
6. Shopping in any store.
- I do somewhat envy people of healthy weight that can go into any store and try on clothes off the rack. As I mentioned before, I am not a big shopper, but it would be great not to worry if clothes will fit. Or to have to look for stores that carry larger sized clothes. (I’d also love to wear normal sized knee-high boots!)
7. Wearing pantyhose.
- Ah…the dreaded pantyhose. I have never like wearing them, and generally try to avoid them. In fact, I don’t even really want to wear them – it’s more my pride that wants to be able to wear them.
- The main problem: getting them on easily. Even the ones for larger people – What are they labeled, size Q? or QQ? And who thought going from sizes A,B,C to Q would be a good idea?? Marketing fail. – still feel like too-tight sausage casings on me.
- The rare time I struggle to put them on, I imagine how hilarious it must be to watch the event. There is nothing elegant about it.
8. Stop avoiding mirrors and pictures.
- I avoid looking in mirrors and having pictures taken as much as possible. Some of this is just my personality and not related to being heavy. But a lot of it is also not liking what what I see and recognizing unmet potential. And it’s not as if I want tons of photos of myself to hang on walls. But it would be nice to have more photos from over the course my life.
- And also not to hate the ones that I do see (see Goal #1 about body positivity….)
9. Live life to the fullest.
- This is one of those general, vague goals.
- I know that there are things that I haven’t accomplished in life because of my weight. Dreams that haven’t been met. Yes, I’ve been prevented by my physical size, but more often by self-imposed limits that I create because of my size. Limits that don’t necessary have to be there and that I hope to take down during this wellness endeavor.
10. Be and feel athletic again.
- Believe it or not, I used to be very athletic. Even though I was always slightly overweight by conventional standards, I was fit and strong and actively participated in competitive sports throughout college.
- I’d like to live in a fit body again. One that doesn’t have so many limitations – both external and internal.
Well, there they are. Some of my initial ultimate goals. There are bound to be others, and I’ll add to this list periodically as needed. But for now, here they are.
And in this moment, looking at these goals written down gives me encouragement and hope.
And excitement to start checking them off the list!!
Day #10:
Current weight: 295.4 lbs
Total weight loss: 10.4 lbs
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