Current weight: 284.6 lbs,
Total weight loss: 21.2 lbs.
Yesterday, I finished my second full week of Monday, Wednesday, Friday alternate-day fasting, and like the first week I did this, I think it went pretty well.
Since Monday, I have lost 4 pounds (and a total of 21.2…woohoo!!), but I’m sure I’ll gain some of that back since today and tomorrow (the entire weekend), I’ll be eating my normal ketogenic program.
It is interesting to see how my weight drops significantly after a fasting day and the next day some of that is gained back. But since I’m not overeating and sticking to a ketogenic diet, I only regain a portion of the lost weight.
So the net loss continues to be negative. (Yay for downward slopes and net negatives!!)
Minor Traumas of the Overweight
On a separate note, I had a somewhat upsetting experience this week that happened to occur at work.
Another time and under different circumstances, this experience may have had a bigger effect on me – maybe causing me to abandon my healthy eating habits and to overeat. Or to get frustrated with myself and my failures. Fortunately this time I didn’t overreact. And part of that may be because of the increased accountability I feel toward myself and this blog.
A few days ago, I crossed paths with a pleasant woman at work who is in a different department, so I only see her occasionally. After some catch-up pleasantries, I commented that I really liked her shirt, which had beautiful, bold colors.
She smiled and thanked me. And then said”
“It’s from this great chubby girl store – you should check it out!“
Ugh.
Now she is overweight and obviously I am too. So this really shouldn’t have been an issue. In fact, she was well-intentioned and really seemed to want to tell me about a store that I may like.
I forced a smile and an “Oh ok, great. Thanks” and quickly headed back to my office.
I’m not sure why it bothered me so much.
Maybe I try to fool myself that my extra weight is a secret? That if I don’t acknowledge it, then it’s really not a problem?
Or maybe I don’t want to admit that I am like so many others who struggle with weight and can’t seem to overcome it?
Or maybe I’m envious that she deals with her weight in a healthier, less judgmental way? That maybe she’s happy, while I just contribute to the stigma of weight?
Whatever the reason, it doesn’t really make sense. And I was even more bothered by the fact that it struck such a chord in me. To most people, this may seem like a silly episode, one barely worth acknowledging. Something I should just ignore and not turn into a big deal. Especially since there was obviously no ill-will by this comment – it was just a normal conversation.
But for me, over the course of a life these episodes add up. I call them the minor traumas of the overweight. Nothing really significant or life-changing (there is FAR worse suffering in the world!).
When these minor episodes happen repeatedly, however, they can start to erode your self-confidence and your spirit. And this makes the challenge of weight loss, health gain and improved self-confidence even harder. At least that’s how it has been for me.
The irony is that these feelings, these traumas, are almost always self-induced. I absorb these innocent comments and transform them into something negative — a way to reinforce my own insecurities and self-doubts. Why do I do this? Participate in this type of self-sabotage? I’m not sure. But it’s been a life-long habit, and one that will probably be hard to break.
And that’s why I’ve included this as one of my ultimate goals — that is to Be Positive: Body, Mind & Spirit. I know I need some improvements in this area.
By acknowledging these feelings and reflecting on why I have them, I think I’m taking good steps in the right direction.
Day #33:
Current weight: 284.6 lbs
Total weight loss: 21.2 lbs
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